In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
