OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
