the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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