You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
