My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
