you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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