If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
