So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
