So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
