so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
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