I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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