I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
