But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
