Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
