You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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