just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
