Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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