i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
