I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
