the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Did I show you my penis last night?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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