i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize
