Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just google imaged poop.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
