Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
