Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
someone owes me an orgasm
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
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