I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
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