1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
