Have you finally orgasmed yet?
His hands were made for my vagina.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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