People in love make me want to vomit
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
