I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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