I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
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