she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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