tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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