Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
