At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
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I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
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Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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