I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
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I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
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please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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