I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
