Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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