did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Randomize
