wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
