My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
