the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
