this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
