im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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