so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
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