just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
