Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Randomize
