I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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