I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
