there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize