arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
