We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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