His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
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