i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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