cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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