barbara walters just said penis...
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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