ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
