Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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