With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
