your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
