I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
