when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
