i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize
