Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
