my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
