Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
