Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
