Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
