I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize
