so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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