All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
