so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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