sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
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